I think that maybe I've figured it out. I've always considered myself a relatively well-adjusted, useful person. But I think I"ve finally figured out why. Maybe I just learn a little faster than some. I've gone through most of the requisite life phases up to this point, but spent less time in each one than most. I skipped second grade and was taunted mercilessly through third grade. So by fourth grade I grew a thicker skin, stood up for myself and realized that there were certain groups of people that I gave a fuck what they thought of me and that the "popular" girls at school were not on that list. It takes most people most of their middle school(or even high school) years to figure that out. Once I had established to myself that I was not the slightest bit interested in the social hierarchy and girl laws of adolescence, I was perfectly well adjusted and suffered much less angst in middle school than most. I had the phase in middle school when I decided that I would wear makeup and heels to school. I think that lasted maybe a year before I realized that I looked silly, my feet hurt and that eyelids just aren't supposed to be purple. And after that, I started to fall into my own little fashion sense. That phase is several years for most people. High school I joined the theatre crew and learned self-direction, leadership skills and tons of other things that as far as I can tell, most kids in college still haven't figure out. Somewhere around sophomore year in high school I realized that it was totally possible that I was smarter than some of my teachers and that all they had on me was some life experience. I realized that this would be happening for the rest of my life. And tonight I turned down going to a party. I ran some errands, went to the grocery store, came home, danced around in my underwear, talked to my cat and listened to music. And it was the most lovely night. I got to read some educational blogs, talk to my bestest buddy nick and I made a delicious fucking chicken pot pie. And I enjoyed all this infinitely more than I would have enjoyed that party. I know what I like, and tonight, I genuinely enjoyed my time to myself. And I feel grown up and not too scared by that. Still a little scared, but it'll fall together. I think I've just been using the art of selectively not giving a fuck. My parents, I suppose, taught me early on that pleasing EVERYONE isn't necessary. I just need to pick and choose whose approval I need to get to the places I want to get. And it's worked out okay so far. | 
